Trying to "Reach Out and Touch"... (Day 4)

He boarded his international flight in Norfolk, VA at about 4:12 a.m. (PST). There was a two-hour layover in Germany for refueling and to clean the aircraft – which we know only because he posted this information on his Facebook page. We then calculated that he should have arrived no later than 9:00 p.m. (PST) in Kuwait (7:00 a.m. Sunday morning in Kuwait).

It was also Saturday night when I remembered how difficult those first few days during boot camp really were for me. I was constantly wondering how he was doing. What was he doing? Was he sorry he enlisted? Did he miss home? … Okay, so I was really asking if he missed me, at least a little bit.

TJ had told us just before he deployed to think of these first few weeks as boot camp and reminded us that some information would just not be available at first. Once he arrived in Kuwait and as they got him processed in, he would learn more and would then pass it on to us. He was right! The past two days have been just like those first few days of boot camp.

When an enlistee goes to boot camp they are given an opportunity to call home within the first four to five days. However, the people back home have no idea when that call will come. And I do mean, NO IDEA. Therefore, we missed his first call from boot camp. Thankfully our son, James, was at home and got TJ’s address and a very brief amount of information from him, but not nearly enough to satisfy Mom. When this happens, a parent feels horrible. Or at least this parent felt horrible. What kind of parent misses their son’s call from boot camp? Only the worst kind I was certain! I was convinced that TJ would decide that I didn’t miss him at all and that I didn’t care. I put myself through torture thinking this way.

As if to drive home all of those “you horrible Mom” feelings, I missed his first call home from Kuwait this morning. I was talking with a co-worker, standing no more than five feet away from my desk and my cell phone. Because I keep the phone on vibrate while at work, I could not clearly hear it when it was vibrating. When I looked at it fifteen minutes later and saw that I had missed a call, my heart sank. I hoped it was from Joe and that I’d just be able to call him back.

But, the number came up and it said “No Name 000-123-4567  11:35 a.m., Aug. 9, 10.” I stared at it, fought back the tears, and those thoughts that came racing into my mind. “What kind of mom misses her son’s call from Kuwait? He called you and you weren’t there to answer it!” With one last desperate attempt to rid myself of this horrible guilt, I raced off to one of my bosses’ offices, cell phone in hand. I quickly thrust my cell phone in front of him and said, “Could that possibly be an international calling card number?” He looked up at me, knowing how desperately I wanted him to tell me that it wasn’t and as gently as possible said, “It could be.” There just aren’t words to describe how horrible I felt. TJ had bought an international calling card and had finally gotten a chance to call me and I missed it! I missed hearing his voice! I missed getting to find out how he was doing and what was it like and … I had missed him.

I thanked my boss and slowly walked back to my desk. Not knowing what else to do, I began to text Joe. I was sickened to the very core. And then my phone rang, rather buzzed, again. My heartbeat quickened and my hope soared and then Joe’s number appeared. The poor guy didn’t get a “Hi, Sweetheart” or even an “are you okay?” Instead he got, “I missed TJ’s call!” After calming me down, he told me that he had gotten the call from TJ and had been able to talk with him. Still very upset with myself over missing MY call from TJ, Joe filled me in on what was said.

TJ is safely in Kuwait. It was 100 degrees at 9:00 p.m. over there and Joe felt that TJ sounded extremely tired. He will be rooming with two other guys and they are all from Malmstrom (TJ’s base in Great Falls, MT). Joe ended by telling me that TJ had tried calling my cell phone and my work number. When I got home from work I discovered that he had tried calling home, too. How much worse could I feel? I knew how frustrated TJ must have become trying phone number, after phone number, after phone number, and not getting anybody! Joe told me that TJ was able to get internet connection in his room and encouraged me to email him. “Maybe he is still up and will see your email and call you back.” I did email TJ but he never called back. I felt horrible.

As my evening comes to an end the gut-wrenching, sick feeling of having missed his call is subsiding. Instead, I am thankful, very, very thankful that TJ was able to reach and talk with his dad. I hate the fact that I didn’t get to talk with him, but I do know that he can call, I know what phone number to expect when he does call, and most of all, I know that he cared enough about his mom that he tried not just once but three times to get a hold of me on the phone.

I am one very proud mom!