Cousins ... Day 26

TJ has thirty-six cousins. There are eight cousins on Joe’s side and twenty-nine from my side. The unfortunate thing is that he has been unable to know all of them. Our families are spread across the entire United States and times together have been very far and few between.

However, during the years we lived in California, Joe’s sister’s family lived about two hours south of us and our families were able to get together at various times. As children, there were times that their ages got in the way and the older ones didn’t want to play with the younger ones. As they began to enter their early teen years, gender seemed to interfere more and made the visits not as much fun as we, the parents, always had hoped they would be.

All too soon, we moved and were too far away for visits. Therefore, three years ago when we had the opportunity to return to California for the Christmas holiday, TJ couldn’t stand the idea of not being able to see the cousins he hadn’t been with in over eight years.

These little children were now all young adults. Age didn’t matter like it had when they were little, and their maturity melted away any gender stigma. They were cousins who wanted to be together, to talk, to be silly, and to simply enjoy each other. And they did all of those things!

However, two cousins were missing from this reunion: Our oldest son was not there, and the third child of their family was in basic military training at Lackland Air Force Base. On Christmas day, Beth was given the use of her cell phone and called home several different times throughout the day. Her sisters would squeal with delight whenever the phone rang to see who would get to talk with Beth first. But, when she asked to talk to TJ they were pained to have to turn the phone over to him. These two now had a common bond that went much deeper than just being cousins. They were both Airmen.

TJ and Beth at her BMT Graduation

It was about a month later when TJ reunited with Beth again, this time at Lackland AFB for her graduation from basic military training. Along with Joe’s sister and brother-in-law, they all watched her graduate with honors just as TJ had done almost eighteen months earlier.

These two cousins have developed a very deep love for each other. TJ sees Beth more as his sister and is extremely protective of her. She is currently stationed at a base in the Las Vegas, Nevada area. Therefore, while TJ was there for his “sandbox training” they were constantly trying to work out a time when they could get together. I believe they had three different times all worked out, only to have them fall through because TJ’s schedule would suddenly be changed.

They finally managed to get together on TJ’s final day there. Beth was able to meet him at the airport before he flew back to Montana. They got about two hours together and loved every minute of it. I don’t even know what they talked about. I just know they loved getting together.

Beth has volunteered to deploy to Afghanistan for four months so that others can come home for the holidays. The two are hoping that she will be sent through Kuwait on her way there and that somehow they will be able to see each other. TJ has told me that he believes it will be a pretty remote possibility for him to get to see her, if she even goes through Kuwait. But they continue to hope.

Beth and TJ - July, 2010

Some families are able to remain close in geographical area and close through their times when they get together. This was not possible for our families. So, we are thankful for the times that we’ve been able to be with family. As our boys have grown into young men, I am even more thankful for the relationships that both of them have with the cousins they do know. And, we are very proud of TJ and Beth, two cousins who love the Lord, love each other, and love their country! 

Supporting Our Troops … Day 21

Yesterday we were walking through the Denver International Airport to our departure gate, when an announcement came over the public address system. Admittedly, I have learned to block most of these out because they become annoying as the monotone voice reminds me for the seemingly millionth time to report an unattended bag. But this particular one arrested my attention. It started off something like this, “We would like to encourage any of our military service personnel to visit the USO...” These days I am on a “high alert” status for anything that says “military, Air Force, Kuwait,” etc. Therefore, when I heard the word “military” the announcer had my attention.

I have been in airports across this country - and in a few foreign countries as well - since my high school years. I’m sure that there have been many times that I have passed signs for the USO, and probably even heard similar messages for them, but just never really paid attention. But, with TJ now serving in the USAF, “it is a whole new ballgame!”

TJ has done a lot of traveling since he enlisted in the USAF, and he has had the opportunity to spend time in several different airports during the past three years. Whenever his layovers are long enough, he finds the USO room in the airport and enjoys a quiet place to rest. On one of his more recent trips, he had a friend drop him off at the airport the night before his early morning flight. He headed straight to the USO room, grabbed a big over-stuffed recliner, and called the local pizzeria to order his dinner. Believe it or not, they delivered it to him! The volunteers in this USO room didn’t spend the night, but graciously allowed him to sleep there. At some point during the night one of the airport cleaning crew came through to check on him and TJ offered the man part of his pizza. TJ really appreciates these rooms and is always sure to thank the volunteers for helping him.

The USO was started by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in February of 1941. It stands for United Services Organizations and it remains committed to boosting the morale of service members as well as serving as the link between them and the American people. Most of us baby boomers (and older) know them for the celebrity shows of the World War II, Korean and Vietnam War eras. But, the USO and several other non-profit groups continue to work tirelessly to encourage, support, and meet the needs of our military service personnel. I am ashamed to admit that it took TJ’s willingness to deploy that caused me to learn about these groups.

Actually, the USO does so much more than just organizing those celebrity shows for the troops overseas! They have their rooms at airports across the world, they put together care packages, they have programs for the families of our military, and their list goes on.

Another group that I’ve just learned about and am hoping to become more involved with is called Soldiers’ Angels. Their mission statement simply is “May No Soldier Go Unloved.” They encourage Americans to “adopt” a service man or woman. They have several different programs through which individual and/or groups can become involved for the purpose of ensuring that members of our military know that they are appreciated and that their service is not in vain.

As I was reading some of the information on their website, they said that many in the military don’t have family who remember them while they are far away, even at Christmas! I can only believe this because we saw many young people at TJ’s basic training graduation who had nobody there to celebrate their accomplishment with them. I couldn’t believe it, yet there they stood, in small groups of two or three, or just off by themselves and there was nobody there to congratulate them… Nobody.

There is also another group called The Fisher House Foundation. The Fisher House program is a unique private-public partnership that supports America's military in their time of need. There is at least one Fisher House at every major military medical center to assist families in need and to ensure that they are provided with the comforts of home in a supportive environment. Annually, the Fisher House program serves more than 11,000 families, and has made available nearly three million days of lodging to family members since the program originated in 1990. By law, there is no charge for any family to stay at a Fisher House operated by the Department of Veterans Affairs, and the Fisher House Foundation uses donations to reimburse the individual Fisher Houses operated by the Army, Navy, and Air Force. 

For those of you who like country music, the new “My Country, Smash Hits” CD has just been released. Part of the proceeds of this album will benefit the Fisher House Foundation. At various retail outlets, drop boxes will be set up for customers who want to buy the album for someone serving in the military. People who do this buy the album and put it in the box. Later the retailer seals the box and sends it to the foundation that will get them to charities to give out to the soldiers. I'd encourage you to consider buying one of these CDs. You get to enjoy the music and you'll be supporting a terrific group who help our military families.

This year TJ will celebrate his 24^th birthday in Kuwait, he will have Thanksgiving dinner in Kuwait, and he will celebrate Christ’s birth in Kuwait. But, for each of these special events, we will remember him and be mailing things to him. This is going to be a tough year as we come to each of these special days. But, to realize that some of TJ’s fellow soldiers don’t have anybody “back home” who will mail a birthday card, or send a small care package seems unbelievable. Yet, it is true and it will happen.

Before TJ enlisted, he never walked past military personnel without stopping and thanking them for their service. I learned a lot just from watching him do this and now I do it, too. So, the next time you see a military personnel, stop them and thank them for their service. You don’t need to do any more than to say, “Excuse me, I’d like to say thank you for serving our country. I appreciate the sacrifice you’re making for us.” I’ve yet to have one get upset for being interrupted during their meal, or as they are on their way to baggage claim, or wherever it is that they are going. What I can tell you is that you will make their day! And it will probably make yours, too!

If you’d like more information on the USO, Soldiers’ Angels, or The Fisher House Foundation you can find them by clicking on the links below:

USO 

Soldiers’ Angels 

The Fisher House Foundation

A Man's Best Friend ... (Day 17)

Joe and I have been married thirty-one years. Joe got our first family dog about six months before we were married, and I can probably count the number of years we’ve been without a dog since then on one hand. Once we moved to California the question wasn’t “did we have a dog?”, but rather, “how many dogs did we have?” People were forever dropping off their unwanted dogs in our town. The joke among our friends was that there was a billboard out on the I-10 freeway that had our address on it and said, “Drop all unwanted dogs off here!” We have lost count of how many strays we took in during those eight years, but there were many of them – and, as a result, we became very good friends with our veterinarian!

As we went from just one dog to several (at the same time), it seemed that each of the boys always had “their” dog. We never intended for it to be that way, but it just seemed to happen. To their credit, both of the boys are extremely good with dogs and expect them to be very well behaved and trained. The problem is that Joe and I don’t always expect the same of the dogs and end up spoiling them just a bit.

During the past ten years we have enjoyed having just our Labradors (as opposed to every other mutt that turns its big ole’ eyes up at us looking for some extra love).  We had three labs when we moved to Michigan; Shadow, a black lab mix; Max, a big ole’ yellow lab; and Lucy, a chocolate lab who always wanted to have you throw the ball for her!  A month before we moved to Oregon, Shadow was diagnosed with bone cancer and never made the move.

We enjoyed, loved, and doted on Max and Lucy for about two years, and then we were given the opportunity to have a six week old black lab. She was the runt of the litter and just needed a good home. I gave in with much reluctance, but Joe and TJ were thrilled and absolutely love our Sadie Dakota. Joe insisted she be named Sadie because it means “Princess,” and a princess this dog IS!

If Sadie became anybody’s dog, she was most certainly TJ’s. He LOVES that little dog! She is his “Sadie Girl.” So, every now and then when he calls home we put the phone up to her ear so that he can talk to her. Her ears perk up and she cocks her head and then she takes off running through the house looking for her TJ.

TJ and his Sadie Girl

One of my favorite memories since TJ enlisted was his first visit home. He had been away just about six months. We knew that he missed Sadie because he would always ask about her whenever he got to call home. His biggest concern was how spoiled she would be. Sadie began barking from “her room” when she heard the front door open. When we released her from her room, she raced into the living room to find her TJ! It wasn’t even a bark but it was more of a squeal as she danced around him and up on him as much as she could. He just stood there and laughed with the exuberant welcome home she gave him. There was no question that she had missed him as much as he missed her!

The visits have become further apart, but TJ’s love for this little dog has never dimmed. I am thankful that while he serves our country so far away, he carries with him the memories of a silly little black lab that wears a bandana and will be ready to do her “welcome home” dance when she sees him walk through that front door again.

Your Sadie Girl is waiting for you, TJ.

Stinkin’ Proud … (Day 14)

We first heard the term “stinkin’ proud” from TJ’s recruiting officer. He would often say this to TJ because TJ just kept excelling as he prepared to enter the Air Force. When his recruiter found out that TJ had graduated from boot camp as an Honor Grad and had earned his marksman ribbon the recruiter simply replied, “I’m so stinkin’ proud of him!” We quickly adopted the phrase ourselves to express how incredibly proud we were of his accomplishments. For some reason the phrase just seemed to carry a little more weight to our own expression of our “parental pride.”

Today, at the last minute, Joe and I decided to have lunch together at our favorite pizza place in town where you can buy it by the slice. While we were talking my phone rang and I immediately knew it was TJ! It is hard to forget the number you didn’t respond to fast enough just a little more than a week ago! I answered it immediately but heard nothing on the other end, and then it was gone. But, then it rang again, and again I answered it and heard nothing. This time I was really frustrated that for some reason the connection was not going through. By now Joe had his cell phone out and we were both sitting there staring at them, as if that would make them ring.

After what seemed like an eternity, my phone rang a third time. I pushed the button one more time and said, “Hello.” Silence came again. And then I heard the infamous, “Hey…” from TJ. I was thrilled! Again, he was dead tired and said something about dealing with 125 vehicles that day. (His day was over and he was probably half way into a sound sleep when he called). I then asked him, “Have you heard about the Staff Sgt. test? Do you know if you passed?”

At this point I need to stop for a moment and explain a little bit about military testing. For TJ to advance in rank he must test into that rank. The test is offered once a year,  and they don’t announce the date of the test much more than a month before it is given. So, you can’t just write down in your appointment book ‘Staff Sgt testing’ for the ‘whatever day of whatever month’. It just doesn’t work that way. Also, there is a huge amount to study,  so waiting until they finally do announce the date isn’t a wise idea.

 TJ began studying for this test back in January. He said the study manual was the most dry and boring book ever written. He certainly had no problem getting to sleep on the nights he tried to study from it! He received word sometime in March that the test was going to be given on Wednesday, May 19^th. His study efforts that had slacked off a bit were once again renewed. When he called us after he had taken it, he told us that it had been a two part test and he was not confident that he had done well enough on the first part to have passed. We reassured him that doing his best was all that was expected of him. Then in proper military fashion, everybody waits for the results.

Today was the day the results were to be announced, so, I asked him if he had heard. “Yeah, I heard,” he said with no expression - and then added a pause that lasted forever. With no emotion at all he finally said, “I passed it.” Kuwait was suddenly much closer than normal as I almost reached out to strangle him. I could just see him smiling with himself by the way he made my heart stop as I waited for his answer! But, the excitement of knowing he had passed was too overwhelming! That “stinkin’ pride” swelled again and all I could keep saying was, “TJ, we are SO proud of you! Congratulations! We are SO stinkin’ proud of you!”

Receiving the news in Kuwait. Not a bad way to end the day!

Several months ago TJ explained to us that it is not your score that they look at as much as how many attempts it took you to pass the rank test. Passing on the first attempt is not accomplished by that many Airmen.  But it was TJ’s goal, and today he again achieved it after a lot of hard work.

He must now wait, probably a year, before he will get to put on his new set of stripes and really own the rank of Staff Sergeant. He said that his new goal is to begin studying for the next rank and pass that test even before he gets his Staff Sergeant stripes!

Way to go, Staff Sgt Lombardi! Way to go!

I am one STINKIN’ PROUD Mom! 

Dog Tags … (Day 13)

Military personnel who are serving in war zones are required to wear identification tags at all times. These tags are more commonly known as “dog tags.” The tags are primarily used for the identification of dead or wounded soldiers, but they also provide essential basic medical information needed for the treatment of the injured soldier.

During the time that TJ spent losing weight and preparing to join the Air Force, he went to a local army surplus store and had a set of dog tags made for himself. But, he didn’t have the normal “name, rank, serial number” type of information on them. His said,

“TJ Lombardi

Semper Fi to Christos

Semper Fi to U.S.A.”

TJ explained to us that even though “semper fi” was the Marine Corps’ cry, it was the best way for him to express that his first devotion was to the Lord Jesus Christ and secondly to his country. For two years TJ wore these dog tags as his constant reminder of who was first in his life and the goal he set for himself to serve his country.

When it came time to take TJ to the MEPS center for boot camp, he was to check-in at a nearby hotel on a Sunday afternoon. They began final medical checks and paperwork on Monday and then on that Tuesday we were able to return and watch him be sworn in and sign the official document that made him an Airman.

As we said our good-byes that Sunday evening, TJ began to walk away. He then stopped, turned around and came back to me. As he did so, he reached for the chain that had hung around his neck for two years and pulled it up over his head. He then reached out and put it over my head, and gave me a hug. I told him as best as I could through my tears that I would wear them until his service to his country was completed.

The tags I wear, TJ's picture & life verse - 2 Tim. 1:7

While TJ was serving in Great Falls, Montana at Malmstrom Air Force Base he was not required to wear his dog tags. In fact, he didn’t even have them. They were kept by the base in some office somewhere. I don’t know exactly when they gave him his dog tags as he prepared to go to Kuwait, but I do know that he is currently required to wear them at all times.

Though the tags I have been wearing since that Sunday night have always held a very special significance to me, they do even more now. I hear them jingle and I think about the set that TJ is currently wearing. And, when I pray for TJ I always ask the Lord to never let TJ forget his loyalties to his Savior first, and then to his country.

Letters From War ... (Day 11)

TJ attended chapel every Sunday while in boot camp. This was the one time and place each week that the recruits had "freedom" from their Training Instructor. As the recruits came in to chapel there was music playing, a rare treat for them. Then when everybody was seated, just before the service started, the music faded out and a music video was played. 

The song was "Letters from War." It is a ballad of a son who went to war and his mom who was waiting for him back home. They wrote to each other and the mom's letters always told him to "be safe" and "come home." In chapel, when the final verse began the entire sanctuary erupted as the recruits hollered and cheered with the ending to the story. During one of his very few phone calls of those weeks, TJ told us about the song and we quickly realized why they all loved it. Now that TJ is serving in a war zone, it seemed fitting that I post one of his favorite songs.

TJ, you're good and you're brave. Be safe.

With my love,

Your very proud Mom

Family Reunion, Military Style … (Day 10)

Joe's birthday celebration at Nancy's Pizza - November, 2009

The last time our family was all together was on Joe’s birthday in November (2009), about nine months ago. We met in Illinois for my dad’s memorial service. James was still living in Michigan and was able to drive down. TJ was given leave time to come, so he drove over from Montana, and Joe and I flew back from Salem. It was a busy weekend with my family and then a quick birthday celebration at Nancy’s Pizza for Joe.

Now that James has moved to the Seattle area, we are very thankful that we’ve had several opportunities to visit with him. This weekend was another one of those times. James had been asked to lead worship at a small church in town, so he and his girlfriend, Alaria, drove down on Saturday so that they could spend some time with us, too.

We took advantage of this visit to go through some boxes of his things that we  had been storing for him. Four boxes that were packed six years ago when Joe and I moved to Salem were put into the middle of the living room and James began going through them. A stack of photos brought back tons of memories, stories, and plenty of laughter! Alaria learned a lot about our family and James’ childhood in the process.

Probably the hardest part of this get-together was TJ’s absence. TJ has a very unique way to tell a story from the past or just create a brand new one! He is filled with a wide variety of voices that turn him into a telephone salesman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, any number of one of Jim Carey’s characters, and on the list goes. He is sure to bring laughter to any get-together! So, the stroll down the family memory lane was just a little bit harder without him.

This morning Joe and I went to church while James and Alaria met up with some of their friends. I was glued to my cell phone throughout the entire Sunday morning worship service hoping TJ would have time to call. I wanted to make sure that I did not miss it should the phone start to vibrate during the service. When there was no call, I admit, I was really disappointed.

Therefore, hearing the phone ring later in the morning after we had all come back to the house was beyond fabulous! TJ said one thing when I answered – “Hey.” He was obviously very tired and sounded more asleep than he was awake. It took him a few minutes to be more himself and then he patiently answered all of my questions.

The temperatures have been above 100 degrees since he arrived. “Mom, this is the desert,” he reminded me. He works four twelve hour shifts and then gets one day off. His first day off will be tomorrow. I am quite certain that sleep is high on his priority list! Despite the long hours, he finally feels a sense of worth in what he is doing for the Air Force. He has been given a different assignment each of these first four days of duty, which keeps the experiences new and exciting for him.

When he learned that James was home he asked to talk with him. Thankfully we have enough phones in the house that enabled all of us to get to talk together at the same time, a new way of having a family reunion!

James was the one who asked him what kinds of jobs he had been assigned to do. TJ began to explain that one day he was told to oversee four different posts. He had to drive to each one and check in with everybody making sure they were doing their jobs. To make these rounds, they gave TJ a stick-shift vehicle. His comment about that was, “That first hour was pretty interesting.” (TJ had one lesson on a stick-shift many years ago!) Later Joe’s comment was, “I wish I could have been there watching. I’ll bet it was pretty jerky!” I had only wished that we could have gotten all of those details from TJ in true “TJ style.”

I know that anytime TJ gets to call will be special, but, this one was extra special because of those brief moments when we were all on the phone together. Most family reunions are held over long weekends or even a full week filled with activities. We just found out that a family reunion can also take place with three of us in the living room, one of us more than half-way around the world, and all four of us sharing time together on the phone!

Tonight I am a very grateful, proud Mom!   

Are you ready for some football?! … (Day 8)

Fall has always been my favorite season of the year, mainly because of the crisp mornings, cooler days, and the beauty of the fall colors. But, I must admit that another reason is because it is football season. I love football! I love to listen to the commentators explaining plays, discussing individual players’ strengthens and potential, and, more recently, following the newest rookies coming into the league - at least those coming from the Florida Gators!

TJ is also a huge football fan. He is a die-hard Detroit Lions fan, while I stand by my Chicago Bears. In recent years we’ve both developed more of a love for watching the college games, too.

TJ and James - September 1990

During our early years of marriage, Joe and I cheered for the Chicago Bears together. But, when we moved to New Jersey, Joe felt we should become loyal to the New York Giants. I was not about to budge from my allegiance to the Bears! In an effort to bring peace to the family, one year we agreed that everyone would root for the Detroit Lions. Our friends who lived in Michigan were kind enough to get us sweatshirts for the boys, and thus the beginning of TJ’s love for football and the Lions.

The effort for the whole family to cheer for one team, though very sincere, didn’t even last through that football season, and by the end I was once again openly cheering on my Bears, James had developed a love for the 49ers, TJ was sticking with the Lions, and Joe just went for whoever was playing against my team.

TJ became as loyal a Lions fan as I was for the Bears. When he was in second grade I had him write a letter to the Lions fan club as one of his writing assignments. He was so jazzed a few weeks later when he received all sorts of Lions stickers, a small team poster, and a map of the country with all of the teams placed on it.

It may have been months later that he brought that map to me and began asking me all sorts of questions regarding if we could stop at this place or that place on our way to Detroit, MI. (We were living in California at the time.) My curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked him, “Why do you want to know if we could go through these different cities on our way to Detroit? What are we going to Detroit for?” He responded very matter-of-factly, yet very firmly, “Well, I’m thinking about which way we should go when you take me to the Lions’ college.” I inquired as to what he meant by “the Lions’ college” and he said, “You know, their college. That’s where I’ll be going so I can learn to play football for them.” At that point I decided that he needed to begin rooting for a good Michigan college team, and so, I introduced him to the Michigan Wolverines. Go blue and gold!

TJ was ecstatic when we moved to Michigan in the fall of 2000. Unfortunately it was the same year that Barry Sanders announced his retirement from the Lions. TJ was disappointed that Barry Sanders was gone, but thrilled to be living in his team’s state! As we were settling into our new home in Portage, MI, he asked if I would enlarge and paint the team’s logo on one of his bedroom walls. Visualize with me a silver lion taking up an entire 10’ x 10’ wall. Did I fail to mention that he wanted the rest of the walls painted in Detroit Lions’ blue? We compromised with a Detroit Lions wallpaper border that went around the top of his walls.

We were very grateful to two younger men in the church who gave our family their season tickets for a pre-season game one year, and on two different occasions took TJ to the game with them.

TJ and his pitcher of ice tea - 2010

I’m not real sure when TJ began to shift more towards the college teams, but about two years ago as Joe and I began watching Tim Tebow play each Saturday for the Florida Gators, we started hearing from TJ that he was spending many of his Saturdays watching the college football games, also. One his favorite off-base locations got to know him so well, that the waitress would bring him a full pitcher of ice tea when she saw him walk through the door. He has now become a loyal fan of the Michigan Wolverines, followed by a list of others that he cheers for, including the Florida Gators and the Oregon Ducks.

On Sunday night, August 1^st, I was thrilled to able to turn on the TV and watch football again! I can’t wait to begin listening in to ESPN’s college day pre-game football show each Saturday. But, this year football season will be different. There will be no more texting TJ with game scores when he is on duty. Somehow emails with lots of exclamation marks just doesn’t seem like it will be the same when it comes time for me to razz him about my Bears beating his Lions. And suddenly the brief shots of the military troops watching the big games from various bases overseas already seem more important than replays of a big touchdown. I don’t know where he’ll be able to gain access to the games, but I do know that he will be anxious to watch whatever games he can, and … they had better have plenty of ice tea on hand because TJ, like his mom, will be “ready for some football!”

The Sandbox ... (Day 6)

Building sandcastles Pacific City, OR 1993

Our family loves relaxing on ocean beaches. When we lived in New Jersey we had a summer “ritual” every Monday. If the weather forecast for the day sounded good, we were up and in the car by 6:00 a.m. It took us just about an hour to make it to Island Beach State Park. Joe would stop at a little sandwich shop and buy some coffee, bagels, and a large hoagie (known as a submarine sandwich to some) just outside the park. We enjoyed the bagels for breakfast. Later in the day we would split the hoagie for our lunch, while the boys enjoyed the sandwiches I had made for them. Most Mondays we were usually the first ones on the beach, so we would pick a spot and “set up camp.” The boys loved playing in the sand and running along the water’s edge. They were typical kids at play on a beach, with plastic pails and shovels to dig for things, capture the ocean water (along with a starfish once), and of course, build their sandcastle. The older TJ got the more elaborate his sandcastles became. TJ was thrilled anytime he was able to spend time at the beach. 

Once we moved to the west coast, whenever we visited his favorite beach in Pacific City, Oregon, he always had to climb the huge sand dune. Then he loved to roll all the way down this over-sized mountain of sand to the water’s edge! And if Mom was tagging along, then I had to climb it with him. Getting down and dirty in the sand was NEVER a concern of his!

TJ at "Sand Box" training Las Vegas, NV 2010

So, is it any wonder that TJ is thrilled to be deployed to “the sandbox”? Even the grueling “sandbox training” was fun to him! They lived in tents and were dealing with 90+ degree weather just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. TJ took a lot of pictures while he was there and posted them on the internet. I pulled this photo from his Facebook page. His caption for it said, “There’s an awful lot of moon dust out there!” But don’t be fooled: He was having the time of his life!

From what I’ve learned, Kuwait is pretty flat. So, he probably won’t be climbing or rolling down any sand dunes. But, I am certain that he will be able to find his fair share of dirt to get into and will love every moment in the “sandbox!”

Trying to "Reach Out and Touch"... (Day 4)

He boarded his international flight in Norfolk, VA at about 4:12 a.m. (PST). There was a two-hour layover in Germany for refueling and to clean the aircraft – which we know only because he posted this information on his Facebook page. We then calculated that he should have arrived no later than 9:00 p.m. (PST) in Kuwait (7:00 a.m. Sunday morning in Kuwait).

It was also Saturday night when I remembered how difficult those first few days during boot camp really were for me. I was constantly wondering how he was doing. What was he doing? Was he sorry he enlisted? Did he miss home? … Okay, so I was really asking if he missed me, at least a little bit.

TJ had told us just before he deployed to think of these first few weeks as boot camp and reminded us that some information would just not be available at first. Once he arrived in Kuwait and as they got him processed in, he would learn more and would then pass it on to us. He was right! The past two days have been just like those first few days of boot camp.

When an enlistee goes to boot camp they are given an opportunity to call home within the first four to five days. However, the people back home have no idea when that call will come. And I do mean, NO IDEA. Therefore, we missed his first call from boot camp. Thankfully our son, James, was at home and got TJ’s address and a very brief amount of information from him, but not nearly enough to satisfy Mom. When this happens, a parent feels horrible. Or at least this parent felt horrible. What kind of parent misses their son’s call from boot camp? Only the worst kind I was certain! I was convinced that TJ would decide that I didn’t miss him at all and that I didn’t care. I put myself through torture thinking this way.

As if to drive home all of those “you horrible Mom” feelings, I missed his first call home from Kuwait this morning. I was talking with a co-worker, standing no more than five feet away from my desk and my cell phone. Because I keep the phone on vibrate while at work, I could not clearly hear it when it was vibrating. When I looked at it fifteen minutes later and saw that I had missed a call, my heart sank. I hoped it was from Joe and that I’d just be able to call him back.

But, the number came up and it said “No Name 000-123-4567  11:35 a.m., Aug. 9, 10.” I stared at it, fought back the tears, and those thoughts that came racing into my mind. “What kind of mom misses her son’s call from Kuwait? He called you and you weren’t there to answer it!” With one last desperate attempt to rid myself of this horrible guilt, I raced off to one of my bosses’ offices, cell phone in hand. I quickly thrust my cell phone in front of him and said, “Could that possibly be an international calling card number?” He looked up at me, knowing how desperately I wanted him to tell me that it wasn’t and as gently as possible said, “It could be.” There just aren’t words to describe how horrible I felt. TJ had bought an international calling card and had finally gotten a chance to call me and I missed it! I missed hearing his voice! I missed getting to find out how he was doing and what was it like and … I had missed him.

I thanked my boss and slowly walked back to my desk. Not knowing what else to do, I began to text Joe. I was sickened to the very core. And then my phone rang, rather buzzed, again. My heartbeat quickened and my hope soared and then Joe’s number appeared. The poor guy didn’t get a “Hi, Sweetheart” or even an “are you okay?” Instead he got, “I missed TJ’s call!” After calming me down, he told me that he had gotten the call from TJ and had been able to talk with him. Still very upset with myself over missing MY call from TJ, Joe filled me in on what was said.

TJ is safely in Kuwait. It was 100 degrees at 9:00 p.m. over there and Joe felt that TJ sounded extremely tired. He will be rooming with two other guys and they are all from Malmstrom (TJ’s base in Great Falls, MT). Joe ended by telling me that TJ had tried calling my cell phone and my work number. When I got home from work I discovered that he had tried calling home, too. How much worse could I feel? I knew how frustrated TJ must have become trying phone number, after phone number, after phone number, and not getting anybody! Joe told me that TJ was able to get internet connection in his room and encouraged me to email him. “Maybe he is still up and will see your email and call you back.” I did email TJ but he never called back. I felt horrible.

As my evening comes to an end the gut-wrenching, sick feeling of having missed his call is subsiding. Instead, I am thankful, very, very thankful that TJ was able to reach and talk with his dad. I hate the fact that I didn’t get to talk with him, but I do know that he can call, I know what phone number to expect when he does call, and most of all, I know that he cared enough about his mom that he tried not just once but three times to get a hold of me on the phone.

I am one very proud mom!

The Final Text Message … (Day 2)

At 4:12 a.m. both of our phones received a text message. It was from TJ! He wrote that they had just boarded their flight to Kuwait, with 13-17 hours of travel time ahead of them. Honestly, I do not envy this part of his trip.  I’ve dealt with a few very long overseas flights and they are not fun, no matter what your destination is, or your reason for going. From my experience I have learned that those long flights can be sheer misery!

Back in December we decided to upgrade our cell phones. I told Joe, my husband, that I didn’t need a fancy phone, but it HAD to have a full keyboard. And our phone plan HAD to have unlimited texting with it. I text all the time - well, okay, an awful lot of the time. I began texting because of TJ. It was the best way to get a hold of him. While he was still home and working security at the local Target store, I would text him. If he was in the middle of watching a suspect, or talking with his boss, or for some other reason just couldn’t respond right then, then he would not text back, and I knew he wasn’t available. We kept this up once he enlisted (after boot camp, of course.) It has just been a fantastic way to touch base and because of our understanding that no response means “I’m busy,” I don’t feel as if I’m interrupting him.

But now … until he returns in six months there is no more texting. He sent his last one this morning and I was asleep when it arrived. And by the time I saw it, his phone had been turned off for the last time until he returns home. THIS LACK OF COMMUNICATION IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD!

Now, I am the ultimate “comfort food” person when I’m down. (DO NOT tell my Weight Watcher leaders).  Needless to say, yesterday and today have not done my waistline any good at all! But oh-h-h, the cheesecake yesterday was so-o-o good! Then Joe and I agreed that we should go to our favorite place for breakfast this morning. As we sat there we wondered, would there be a layover anywhere, and if so, where? Would TJ be able to sleep at all during the flight, or was he too excited? And so the questions went, and, of course, the biggest one that neither of us even voiced audibly was, when will we hear from him next?

I suppose the unknown is the toughest part of letting go as a parent. We spend 18-plus years, or so, pouring into our children’s lives, guiding their steps - even making decisions for them while they are very young. Then, slowly at first, they begin to make their own choices - what they will wear to school, what classes they want to study in high school, etc. All of a sudden, it seems, they are making potentially life-changing decisions, sometimes with very little help from us.

Once again, Joe and I have had to face the truth that just like his older brother, TJ, our second son, is no longer our youngest “child,” but a soon-to-be twenty-four-year-old young adult man! As the saying goes, “the apron strings need to be cut.” This change is part of life. However, sometimes that is easier said than done.

Nevertheless, with both boys gone from home, I am getting used to not always knowing everything that is happening in their lives.  In TJ’s case, I am adjusting to not hearing from him every single day, or even every week! That’s pretty good for me! But, suddenly being thrust back into no possible chance of communication until he is able to write an email or a post on Facebook - and doing so on the military’s schedule … this is really tough!

I was ecstatic when there was a puffy envelope from TJ in the mail today! He had made two braided wristbands, one for each of us. Joe got a black and white one. Mine? Dark navy blue and orange! (Chicago Bears colors). There was a note along with the wristbands. It was written on one of those Certified Return Receipt cards in the box where you’re suppose to put your own address for them to mail it back to you. It was a short note of just three brief phrases. And then it was signed, “Love TJ”. No wonder I’m so proud of this young man! He knew his Mom was going to need something to hang onto while he was gone and had been thinking ahead. In the words of a popular commercial, slightly paraphrased:

Wristbands from TJ

Braiding them – maybe an hour’s wage;

Mailing them – about $1.50;

TJ’s thoughtfulness in doing so – PRICELESS!

So, who needs a text message?

Godspeed, TJ!

Love, your very proud Mom

“D” Day, Sitting and Waiting… (Day 1)

Deployment ... “D-day." TJ had to report on base at 0300 (3:00 a.m.) this morning. Their flight left Great Falls at 0600 (6:00 a.m.) UGH! Whether it was because he wasn’t allowed to tell us, or because he just didn’t know, we had no idea what flights he was on, where he was connecting, and what time he would actually land in Norfolk, VA. Very frustrating! So, I spent the whole day with my cell phone glued to me waiting for word from him. (I do not do this kind of waiting very well!).

As his "D-day" kept drawing closer and closer, I have been amazed at my own emotions over TJ's deployment. I am more proud of TJ than I can begin to express. And I would not stop him from deploying to Kuwait, Iraq, or Afghanistan. I believe TJ is “called” to serve his country. I told the Lord long ago that I would not stand in the way of what He asked either of the boys to do. So, stopping TJ from enlisting or volunteering for deployment just wasn't an option for me. Nor am I against what we, the United States, are doing in the Middle East, so, all of these things are "okay" with me.

Yet, in a moment I can be in tears realizing how very far away he will be and the reality of what he may truly face. Add to that the fact that during these first few days, and possibly this whole next week, we won’t really be able to get in touch with him at all. He told us to think of it as when he went to BMT (boot camp). That was useful only to the point of helping me understand that I would have to sit and wait for him to contact us, and that is horrible! TJ is thrilled to be going, he is the one experiencing all of this, and he is probably very busy, while Mom gets to sit at home waiting for word, with my list of questions growing … sometimes by the minute. This is the part of “letting go” that is absolutely horrible!!

If that all weren’t hard enough, Saturday night his cell phone will be de-activated. There is no point in paying for cell phone service if there is no coverage. So, we will not be able to just pick up the phone and call or even text him. He will still have access to email and we may possibly be able to talk via Skype, but all of that will be based on his availability to internet access and simply having the time. Because this is all new to him, he has no idea when things will take on a more “normal” schedule! So, neither do I, and that just adds one more thing that I must wait on.

Many years ago a rental car company ran a series of ads that were built around the slogan “I hate to wait!”  I have often felt that I have done more than my share of waiting and I should not have to wait on things any longer… especially hearing if my son makes it to Kuwait safely!

This leads me to explain something that military parents learn very early on ... parents are very "invisible" as far as the military is concerned. This is not like sending your child off to school and the school sends home “permission slips” for you to sign. The military does not coming asking for my permission for anything. Once a son or daughter enters the military, parents "let go" in a completely different way than parents of children going off to college or even children who just move out into nearby apartments. This is not a negative against the military, it is simply a statement of the differences between civilian life and military life and how it affects the family of those in military service. So, while I desire and want to know when TJ will depart, what flights he will be on, when he will arrive, and exactly when I can expect to hear from him once he does land in Kuwait, those "normal" pieces of information are not necessarily information that I, as a military mom, will be given. And therefore, I once again must wait for that moment when TJ will have time to set up his computer, gain access to the internet, and send us an email that says, "I've landed. Look out bad guys!" (And that is about how he'll say it, and is definitely how he feels about what he is doing in Kuwait!)

So, with this “D-day” coming to a close, my cell phone identified an incoming text message. It was from TJ!! He said he was in Norfolk and was "dead tired." I replied by asking if he would be heading to bed soon. His response was, “We’re doing what the Air Force does best… sitting and waiting.” I just had to laugh!

The Beginning

I'm nobody important, nobody special. I married my very best friend in June of 1979 and have been blessed through his friendship, support, encouragement, and love. We have two fantastic sons who are now young men out on their own.

TJ, our youngest, decided several years ago that he needed to serve his country. At the time he was very over-weight and was told "no thanks" by the recruiter. But TJ believed he was to serve and so he joined the local gym, watched what he ate, and began to lose weight. When he sets his mind on a goal, he becomes determined and focused on it, and very little will shake him from it. It took him almost two years to slim down to the Air Forces' standards and in July, 2007 he headed off to Basic Military Training (BMT or boot camp for most of us.) Three years ago this month, on a very hot and humid Friday morning in San Antonio, TX, at the Lackland Air  Force Base, we sat in the bleachers and watched TJ, along with 400+ young men and women, take their oath of service for the United States of America.

TJ & myself - BMT graduation - 8-2007

TJ graduated as an Honor Grad. This honor can only be earned during BMT. TJ was just an Airman First Class, while those who had some college education before entering were graduating as Senior Airman. But he didn't care because many of them had not achieved the Honor Grad status. Furthermore, he had earned the Expert Marksman ribbon during BMT. This meant that at graduation he had four ribbons on his uniform. This is the most he could possibly earn during his first seven weeks in the Air Force. He was one VERY proud Airman! And we were VERY proud parents!

Several months ago TJ made another decision. He volunteered for deployment to Kuwait. This was the third time he had requested deployment. The first time he volunteered for a "365" to Iraq, the second time he volunteered for a deployment to Afghanistan. Both times he was denied. But this time, they gave him the orders he'd been waiting for since he had enlisted! Tomorrow morning at 0600 he will board a plane and begin his journey to Kuwait. Tomorrow morning at 0600 I become the mom of an airman serving in a war zone, a whole new experience for this mom! It's one thing to have him serving here in the States. It is a whole other thing to know he will be half way around the world, serving in a war zone.

Just before TJ left for BMT, he and I took a trip to the Oregon coast. TJ loves the coast and it was always the place where he went when things were a bit frazzled in his life. While he and I were there, I asked him a very difficult question, one that most parents have probably never even thought to ask their children. I asked him if a day ever came when he was called upon to give the ultimate sacrifice for his country, did he have any desires for his funeral? He shared his thoughts and then suddenly his tone changed and very firmly, almost angry, he said to me, "Mom, if that happens, do NOT embarrass me!" I was totally thrown with this statement and made him explain it. Recently a serviceman had died in Iraq and his mom was making national news with her anger at his "senseless" death. This mom's actions infuriated TJ and he did not want his dad or me to behave in such a way should he die while serving. I assured and promised him that we would never dishonor his service in that way.

Now, I'm not into Facebook. I don't like to journal. And I never dreamed that I would be a blogger. But as TJ's deployment date crept closer and closer, I felt it was important that I record what I was feeling and what I would experience as the mom of a serviceman. I welcome you to listen in, respond if you'd like, and hopefully, together we will all become even more appreciative of what our service men and women sacrifice for us.

I'm nobody important, nobody special. But TJ is! And as he deploys, I'll be here cheering him on!

Signed,
A Very Proud Mom